Jaws tuh thuh Floor!

So you thought you were special? Then you watch this vid and guess what, you ain't. DO NOT WATCH IF YOU ARE UNDER 18. 18 AND OVER ONLY!!!

This is messed up, but oh so liberating to see. You gotta at least watch till the bunny fucking, okay?

Click away...

HEAT

It's totally hard to remember that our Earth is warming while those distracting financial numbers are flopping around like a limp hooker, but we really need to think about the environment, especially during our election season. I mean, what good is a healthy credit market if it's too dry for wheat to grow?

Always finding ways to back me up, PBS will air a new documentary tonight called HEAT. It takes a look at the politics around global warming--yeah, there are politics involved in Nature now and if you care about your place on the planet, I hope you think about the environment and the way we're treating it. I wag my green thumb at you.

HEAT's supposed to take a critical look at both presidential candidates' positions on warming. I hope to watch it; you should take a look at the trailer by clicking here. Again, it's tonight, 10/21, from 9pm to 11pm. PBS is fond of repeating their programming, so it'll probably air again if you miss it.

Demented Latinos

The NY Times reports that findings indicate Latinos in the US are more likely to develop Alzheimer's than people from other cultural backgrounds.

Well, if you're Latino, you're probably like, "no duh, Sherlock. All the viejos in my family go cuckoo for coco puffs." Every single one of my mother's siblings has developed Alzheimer's except (as far as we know) her youngest brother...any day now...

At 72 My mom has shown plenty of symptoms so far. She's always been a little...kooky--seeing ghosts and angels, talking to Jesus (and, yes, Jesus has talked back). I think it's the excessive amounts of café she drinks. She has a shot of espresso every hour, every day until about 7pm. She's been getting worse, although it's hard to tell how much of it is her...kookiness...and how much of it is authentic dementia.

That's the thing, I mean, latinos are kinda nutty to begin with (vis a vis our puritanical stoic Gringo pals). I mean come on, our families work themselves to the bone and are made up of 90% caffeine and 80% porkfat. Add to that the trauma of leaving your family and loved ones in another country and the whole language barrier stuff and you've got a recipe for mental breakdown. Still, other groups of people fit this description, so...Why Latinos?

Is it our sexy moves? Our piercing eyes? Our curves? Or could it be the dreaded ñ? That letter after n that no other alphabet pronounces? The ñ is cursed, I tell you! Oh and we weren't satisfied with just one strange letter in our alphabet--oh no, we had to go and add the double L and the double R and we even turned CH into a letter. CH! I mean, no wonder we get demented.

The NY Times doesn't even mention the corrosiveness of our alphabet. Their interviewees suggest that these statistics might be because Latinos have higher rates of obesity, high blood pressure and diabetes than others in America. Whatever. A genetic cause has been ruled out because Latinos come from an ethnically diverse gene pool and high levels of crazy-town show up whether you're Mexican, Cuban or Chilean.Here's the whole article.
I'm telling you--it's the café and the excessive telenovelas and the alphabet. If you want to save your relatives' brains, burn the Bustelo factory and promote Maxwell House. Tear down Telemundo and turn on Showtime. And for sanity's sake, make them speak Gringo!

F You, Mom and Dad! F You A Lot!

Just kidding (sort of). But seriously, I don't really mean that--not all the time.

You know, the volatile mix of Psychology and Parenting magazines makes it really hard to be a happy adult. I mean, everytime I read an article about good parenting, it's so hard not to be all finger pointy and call my parents to bitch them out: "you fuckers, you didn't do it right! You fucked me up! I should kill you! You should've read this article by Dr. Bighead, but you didn't and now I have emotional stress and anxieties that are irreperrable and I suck at spelling and it's all your fault. You poisoned my soul."

Today I read an article by Colleen Davis Gardephe about raising only children; I found it on Parents.com. It's particularly meaningful to me because my parents didn't do any of the things she recommends. [Here's an excerpt. I've inserted my megalomaniacal commentary in brackets]

many onlies are verbally precocious and high achievers at an early age, [I was a gifted kid!] it's sometimes hard to know what behavior is age-appropriate for them. It's also difficult to know when you're pushing too hard and when you're not pushing enough. By the age of 7 or 8, only children are like little adults. In their opinion, kids their own age are immature [I was SO DAMN MATURE, when I was one I was, like, drinking metamucil out of a bottle]. Slow down, and make sure your only child has a childhood [childhood is for immature losers].

Don't ask for perfection [but they did, they DID ask for it]. For most only children, perfectionism seems to go with the territory [the only territory I had was Perfectolandia]. Only children want so much to please their parents, and because they peer with adults, they take on adult standards [adults rule!], says Carl E. Pickhardt, PhD, author of Keys to Parenting an Only Child [Carl's an adult; he rules!]. While it's fine to want the best for your child, it's important not to make your goals and anxieties his [your goals and anxieties were mine, mom! They were a gift I didn't want but I opened the gift and I pretended to like it and eventually I wore it for the yearbook picture. I want my childhood back!].

Don't get me wrong, the article is interesting, but it doesn't do me any good now. The only thing we adult only children can do now is to love our fucked upness and to stop blaming our stupid parents.

You know you're in a recession when...

“Everything’s frozen in place,”

said Steven Spinola, president of the Real Estate Board of New York, the industry’s lobbying association, shortly after the stock market closed on Monday.

This is from a New York Times article about how construction and real estate in NYC are coming to a standstill. Here to kick off the demise, a symbol of monetary ambition, Madonna:

Gwen Ifill Smear Campaign

Oh boy, here we go. Earlier this week, in a conversation with friends, I predicted there would be a smear campaign against Gwen Ifill, who is moderating the VP Debate tomorrow night. My reasoning? Bigots would assume that Ifill's Blackness will trump her femaleness and her professionalism and that she'll ask Obama easy questions because he's part Black. The rest of that line of thinking would have Ifill being unjustly cruel to Palin.

The smear has begun. Ifill is writing a book that profiles young Black leaders such as Cory Booker (Mayor of Newark), Deval Patrick (Governor of MA), and U.S. Congressman Artur Davis of Alabama. Of course, the book also profiles Barak Obama, and for reasons I can only assume involve deep-seeded bigotry as well as demoralized political ambition. Ifill has been touted as being too pro-Obama to be deemed a fair and impartial moderator.

Give me a break, Republicans. Touting Ifill's book as "Pro-Obama" when in fact it's not just about Obama is a grave misrepresentation. Even worse, however, is thinking that Sarah Palin can't hold her own in a debate if Ifill is remotely pro-Obama. That's just sad. Sad, sad, sad because it shows how little faith you have in Palin's ability to be a leader. You think Palin has never been in a situation that is slightly unfair? Do you think she's a quivering excuse for a female? I mean what is it? Why are you so worried about protecting Sarah Palin that you would turn against Gwen Ifill? And do you think, assuming Ifill is, as you imply, pro-Obama, that it's going to help your cause to smear Ifill's name with misrepresentations and false accusations? If Ifill is already as unprofessional as you imply, woulnd't a smear campaign make her even MORE biased? May Allah, Jesus and joyous Krishna help you.

I sure wish conservatives would go to therapy so they could learn the concept of projection. Then I wish they'd go to kindergarten to learn about cooperation and fibbing.

Here's the article I'm reffering to, by Bob Unruh writing for WorldNetDaily.