Love Age

Mama’s family is huge. Grandmama raised 5 boys and 5 girls. She actually birthed 12 total, but two died shortly after birth. Can you imagine your body opening up for that many children to push through—and that was a time when cesareans were dangerous and rarely used.

2006 was a rough year for mama and I was glad to celebrate its end with her in Miami. Three of mama’s brothers died last year. Two of her sisters have Alzheimers. She’s fighting depression in the face of the deaths of the only people in the world with whom she truly feels at home. My time in Miami was all about visiting aging, sick relatives. I only have two things to say about growing old. 1) It’s hard, you gotta be tough as nails because your neuroses are still fucking with you and your reponsibilities have multiplied, but your body and mind are disintegrating. 2) Age with a smile—there’s nothing worse than visiting family members whose age-related health problems have become burdens and every day for them is just another day of sadness.

But there’s nothing better than visiting those whose continue to find reasons to laugh and live in spite of everything. Aunt Orfelina is the latter. She and Uncle Luis have endured so many struggles. Now Orfe (as we call her, for short) can’t remember how to cook or clean and Luis has to pick up the slack around the house. He’s had several bypass surgeries and a mini-stroke. But when I got to their house and their arms flew open and they rushed towards me. Well, I rushed towards them, they’re slow. Oh, and Orfe at first was terrified. She didn’t recognize who I was. She thought I might be a burglar, but when she realized her mistake she laughed and held me. She’s scared to hold me tightly because of the double mastectomy (doesn’t want me to note the emptiness).

Luis gathered all the snacks he could find and served up a feast. They didn’t complain about what hurts, although they certainly talked about it. It’s not like they live in denial. But there’s a joy to them, a lust for life—gardening, the grandchildren, the dog, each other’s mistakes—all fodder for laughs. That’s the way to do it, I kept thinking. The clichés are right—if you fall get off the ground, keep your chin up, we shall overcome. Overcoming doesn’t mean you live forever; it means you live with integrity, courage, and above all, love. That’s the challenge always. Orfe and Luis are the only relatives who always ask me how Rey is doing. There’s no room for prejudice in their hearts, only a nourishing and steady love.