Get Off The Train!

A short while ago two guys boarded the E train with me on a trip from Manhattan to Queens. One sat on the other for a few seconds. Too many seconds. Enough seconds produce an audience. I kept to myself. I stopped looking early on in the game. Some poor woman whose ears were plugged into her Ipod stared at them for longer than she should have. The guys separated, sitting next to each other while announcing, “We’re not gay. We’re not gay—Hey lady—look at her with the headphones on—Hey Lady—She don’t hear you—Hey you BITCH!—Fucking BITCH!”

At the next station I got up to wait for the doors to open. The two guys started yelling at me “Hey! Bye!—Bye—So long—SO LONG!!!” I got off walked down a few steps and got back on a different train car.

For a few years I have tried to accept the strangeness of subway rides in New York City. If someone was abrasive on a train or if someone was annoying me I’d try to Zen myself: this ride is not what you expected and that’s okay. Let it be as it is.

Uh uh. No more. As of this week my new policy is: If it gets on your nerves Alex—if it seems violent or stupid or annoying—switch to another train car. This is the Anti-Forrest Gump Approach, or AFGA*. Try it out.


*You could also call it GOTT OFF, for Get Off The Train Or Face Fucktards.