Boggled

They divorced after 25 years of marriage, and that was about 6 or 7 years ago. Since then, pop mowes mama's lawn for redemption. He also changes the oil in her car, trims her trees, trims weeds from around the edges of the passion fruit vines and makes any repairs necessary to mama's house.

Several times a week he stops by her house at about 6 in the morning and if she isn't up he simply parks outside the gate and waits for her to rise. Oftentimes she makes him breakfast and even prepares food that he can take with him to his house in Hialeah.

Now, I know what your thinking. He's banging her. But no. Mama and pop stopped having sex when I was around 6. I know this for a fact because mama confided it in me and pop--in separate, private conversations--always declared "sex isn't all that matters in a relationship."

It should come as no surprise if you've read my blog before that mama was severely repressed by her parents. A well-intentioned neighbhor, who doesn't know my parents' sexual history, recently said to mama,

"The two of you should take a vacation somewhere, get reaquainted, maybe even move back in together so you don't have to go sneaking around."

Mama was floored. She told me she doesn't ever want to speak to that neighbor again, "how dare she, how could she, to say that to ME?! I thought she was my FRIEND!"

Never mind that mama has never told this woman ANYTHING about her marriage. Never mind that she also thinks pop had an affair with this woman because "one time we were all sitting around talking and he touched her hand--he NEVER touched my hand, why would he touch hers?"

Follow me so far? She thinks pop had an affair with neighbor (who is married, by the way), but she also thought neighbor was her friend, but now she thinks neighbor is evil because neighbor suggested that mama and pop are having an affair (never mind that neighbor seems to support said affair). It's all too much for me sometimes and I wish I'd gotten her a gift certificate to Shrinks R Us.