Happy Sunshine Go-Go-Go!

Being happy is one of my favorite things because then I don't feel like my life sucks and then when I'm happy and I think about the decisions I've made in my life I don't hear the voice of my mother and her evil relatives telling me that I'm a loser and that I'm making them all cry because I'm such a loser. Being happy makes my relatives die. In my imagination. And then it's a feedback loop: I get even more happy, "Oh my god, no more pesky Aunties and Uncles judging me from inside my head! I'm free!" It reminds me of when I would take two pills of ecstasy after the first pill of ecstasy had worn off. happy Happy HAPPY!

But when I'm happy and sober, like I was all day yesterday, I get really scared because I know that the happiness will eventually go away.

When I was little and I used to go to the beach I would splash around in the water all day and take in as much sun as possible, and even when my parents were already in the car, even when they had started the ignition and threatened to abandon me in the Atlantic Ocean I would still be in the water splashing because I just didn't want the happy day to end.

So I guess what I'm saying is that being happy sucks cuz eventually you're gonna get yanked outta the water by your pissed off, wet father and someone's gonna yell at you.

Later I'm gonna blog about how I've found the key to lasting happiness (I'm serious). Stay tuned!