Bang Bang Choo Choo Train

The subway doors opened and it took me a second to realize I had to get out. When I started exiting the train car, a short middle-aged man waiting to get on board shoved himself on and I ran into him. Well, into his giant backpack, actually, at which point I said excuse me. I wanted to say wait for me to get the fuck off you bastard, but my Methodist upbringing got in the way. Plus there was a crowd of patient and polite people also waiting to get on, all of whom waited for me to exit before proceeding.

As I walked away, I heard Mr. Backpack exclaim “maricón!” I turned, he stared. The doors were still open, I could go back in the train and have it out with him, but I didn’t. I'm too holier-than-thou for that.

Was he calling me maricón (="faggot") because he thought I was gay or just as a general insult? I mean either way it was meant to offend. It just happens to be one of those insults that Hispanic men throw around in all kinds of contexts. Sometimes they’re serious and angry, sometimes they’re joking around with friends (the American equivalent of that would be calling a frat friend “pussy”), and they use it to derogatorily indicate a man is effeminate. The offense was doubled because I AM gay, so I got angrier and angrier as I repeated the scene in my head.

In the boiling moments right after the train doors closed behind me I remembered why it is that I think everyday citizens should not own guns. I wanted to shoot him in the nuts and blow off his kneecaps and pour a vinaigrette all over the wounds.

The thing about New York breeder assholes (I’ve never been assaulted or insulted by a queen on the streets of NYC; so most male jerks up and about are heteros) the thing about them is that they’re so crazy , if you call them out on their shit you never know what you’re gonna get. They might turn and attack you, speaking from experience. So I just walked on, fuming, wishing for a gun, thanking my lucky stars I don’t carry around a butcher knife or that guy would’ve lost a couple of intestinal inches and I'd be repaying my grad school loans from a Reiker's Island zip code.