Mama's Visit: Day Two: THE LESSONS LEARNED

Here are snippets of conversation with mama, followed by the valuable lesson I learned....

Mama: You have lot of houseplants, huh?

Me: Yeah, they brighten the apartment.

Mama: They'll cause you allergies. And my mother always said that you shouldn’t have houseplants because they suck up the oxygen you need to breathe.

HOUSEPLANTS WILL CHOKE YOU.


Mama: I don’t like that painting.

Me: Which?

Mama: That one. Ugh!

Me: Why?

Mama: I dunno. It looks like a man who’s...I dunno.

Me: What?

Mama: Committing suicide and he’s screaming. It’s grotesque. Like the artist was thinking about death.

Me: I painted that.

Mama: I don’t like it.

Me: It’s from a DVD still of a guy having sex with this woman. It’s a closeup of his face.

Mama: Ugh! Can you imagine a man making love that way? That’s not sex. That’s not real sex it's something disgusting.

DON'T MAKE FACES DURING SEX.


Mama (to Luna, my cat): Lunita...Lunita you’ve changed. You used to love me and give me cuddles, Luna.

Luna: ...

Mama: What happened, Luna?

Luna: ...

Mama: She used to be loving to me, Alex.

My inner Satan: Yeah, but now she knows better.

LUNA CAN DETECT EVIL.

Me: I love my sculpture class. It’s so much fun, I should’ve done this years ago.

Mama: Ugh! You get involved in too many things--it's gonna make you crazy!

IF I SHOOT HER I'LL HAVE BETTER SELF ESTEEM.