Coverage of me and other train wrecks: my mama, subway nut jobs, sex and the environment.

6.22.2006

Mama's Visit: Day Two: THE LESSONS LEARNED


Here are snippets of conversation with mama, followed by the valuable lesson I learned....

Mama: You have lot of houseplants, huh?

Me: Yeah, they brighten the apartment.

Mama: They'll cause you allergies. And my mother always said that you shouldn’t have houseplants because they suck up the oxygen you need to breathe.

HOUSEPLANTS WILL CHOKE YOU.


Mama: I don’t like that painting.

Me: Which?

Mama: That one. Ugh!

Me: Why?

Mama: I dunno. It looks like a man who’s...I dunno.

Me: What?

Mama: Committing suicide and he’s screaming. It’s grotesque. Like the artist was thinking about death.

Me: I painted that.

Mama: I don’t like it.

Me: It’s from a DVD still of a guy having sex with this woman. It’s a closeup of his face.

Mama: Ugh! Can you imagine a man making love that way? That’s not sex. That’s not real sex it's something disgusting.

DON'T MAKE FACES DURING SEX.


Mama (to Luna, my cat): Lunita...Lunita you’ve changed. You used to love me and give me cuddles, Luna.

Luna: ...

Mama: What happened, Luna?

Luna: ...

Mama: She used to be loving to me, Alex.

My inner Satan: Yeah, but now she knows better.

LUNA CAN DETECT EVIL.

Me: I love my sculpture class. It’s so much fun, I should’ve done this years ago.

Mama: Ugh! You get involved in too many things--it's gonna make you crazy!

IF I SHOOT HER I'LL HAVE BETTER SELF ESTEEM.

2 Comments:

Blogger rey said...

LOL...or really snicker out loud. But that comes out as SOL, which isn't what I mean to say.

5:21 PM

 
Blogger belledame222 said...

Alex, are you still in therapy?

has your therapist offered any advice wrt actually shooting her?

'cause i'm thinking any decent one would probably say "go for it, my son."

7:47 PM

 

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