The L Words

Loser.

It doesn't take much for my mind to fall into the that deep, familiar groove: you're a loser, you haven't accomplished anything so give up now. The sound of doubt deafens. Almost everyday. It isn't fair for my brain to do this to me. It isn't fair for anyone's brain to do this, and yet, there it is--that relentless fugue.

Well last night I called mama and was chatting about nothing alltogether that important when she said something out of the blue that came down on my like a sweet sunshower:

"I was thinking," she started, "I wanted a kid for 20 years. 20 years I thought to myself, 'I want to have a kid.' It never occurred to me that it wouldn't happen. And when I was 40, I had you. You can't give up on what you dream about in life. It could take as long as 20 years, Alex. It could take longer. But what you know is meant for you, know it and never let it go. Your dreams are yours."

Sometimes that woman astounds me.

Love.

On a more serious note, it took mama 20 years to get knocked up? 20!!! Did she know how easy it really is to get knocked up, I mean, it's not exactly a lifelong career goal, you know? Okay, okay, she wasn't a slut and had to find the right man and all that shit, but really? 20 years? Okay...