Coverage of me and other train wrecks: my mama, subway nut jobs, sex and the environment.

7.09.2007

Only Child Syndrome

We have the tendency to cut people out of our lives—entire groups of people even—without a sense of remorse or grief. We draw a line in the sandbox, this is mine, this yours. But our sense of justice is clear and unrelenting—the world falls into right and wrong easily for most of us. The sandbox, then, is pretty symmetrically divided. We do this because we’re only children, and solitude is our foundation.

I know several only children—we kind of attract each other. We’re the honey and the flies. We don’t need anybody else damnit.

Okay, that’s wrong. We DO, we DO need other people. We need friends and love and all that jazz, but we prefer to outweigh socializing with solitude. Sorry, no offense, we just can’t help it. We NEED the intense me-time in order to be able to deal with you because frankly, dealing with you is annoying. You have needs and wants and demand compromise and you can’t read our minds, which means we have to communicate our own thoughts and feelings. The whole interaction gets overly complicated and we tend, then, to run off and hide, or to mentally check out, or to pick a fight just so we can have things OUR way. Then you get hoity toity and turn your nose at us accusing, “Only child syndrome!”

Maybe it’s that we have a syndrome and someone should come up with a pill. Before you judge us, consider that we happen to embody a high concentration of that human aspiration that becomes increasingly difficult to attain as the world breeds more humans who build bigger towns—hermitage. Ahhhh...that would be the life. To live in a cave in a Spanish hillside with nothing but a herd of sheep and a dog as companions. And maybe a cellphone. King of the sandbox, but ruler of none.

You know you'd love that. If only just a taste. Let us show you the way....

4 Comments:

Blogger littlerabbit said...

I'd like to take the pill.

12:23 PM

 
Blogger Alex Barreto said...

Really? I guess I would too, sometimes, but I still think that the whole "only child syndrome" is overrated.

1:14 PM

 
Anonymous Anonymous said...

OMG your so right, i'm an only child and I get that "are you in a good mood today" I'm in a good mood everyday I just shut down when I need my space, many people don't get that the think ever being selfish, sometimes I am because it's benificial to them that the leave me alone, or they'll have one less friends and I wouldn't care. And I hate when my firends come over for more than 15 minutes, I'm about ready to jump of the roof. I have dummped many friends without reason cuz sometimes they are just too too much to deal with.Many relationships have gone away, because I don't like or want to talk my feelings and I'm a female. I can't let you in cuz I don't want to, you weren't there when I was younger to talk to me, and as we grow up we have learned that we slove things on our own were independent and we all have OCD. It's our stuff, we might be spoiled, brats, selfish, or bi-polor at times, but it's the environment we grew up in being in a special club we didn't ask to be in.

5:15 PM

 
Anonymous Anonymous said...

That last comment sounds about right except for the fact that it really does depend on the environment and the kind of parents you had when growing up. I am an only child, however, i totally feel like either the youngest or the oldest with attention right now and it feels maybe thats being selfish in a way too maybe. I don't know. My parents had me when they were very old (42 and 50) and moved to a place where i was bound to stand out as "rich" some would say, but i would say just didn't have a drive to work in a factory all my life. It's hard to really explain the environment itself but the treatment was sometimes very short of spoiled. Yes, i was the only one they had to buy things for, however, when they bought them (like mostly clothes becuase of an excuse for my mom to buy hers is what i feel), they made me feel very bad about the fact that they bought whatever for me. i normally didn't ask for much except for what they couldn't give me, a sibling. With them being so much older it was also like being raised by my grandparents, always wishing that i was adopted and always trying to have other people around to play with me becuase i was not about to be around them all the time. Sounds wrong of me but heres how spoiled really wasn't the case with me, i had way too much attention for not doing anything on my own. In school, my parents knew each teacher and made them watch me. They were at the school themselves watching me as well so that i could never mess up. Needless to say i was picked on and sheltered for a very long time and started to only hate large groups because i was afraid of judgement from them, my teachers, and my peers. not just little spouts of it, but ruin my life type judgement which the fear was instilled in me. If i didn't come away with an a, there was something wrong with me. If i didn't come home and just sit and study all day (and they would make sure) there was nothing else to do but go out to eat. If i wouldn't have had my catholic church friends 60 miles away from where i lived, i don't know what i would have done. i was able to get away from my parents pushing and the towns kids long enough to seem like i had my sanity back. Then dance team started to help me. When it comes down to it, the type of parents one has really does matter to the only child syndrome factor. I can see that i really do need attention sometimes from people, and i really do get hurt if im not listened to, but it used to be that i would almost curl up becuase i thought it was normal for people not to listen, it was that way with my parents. It's also hard to express emotion for me because of that fact. I also hoped and prayed for siblings all my life so maybe that's why i do not fully fit this description. You are right in saying that friends just come and go because truthfully, it really is hard to keep good friends because they seem to just move on. i do have one really close friend and right now that is who has been there for everything for me, but sadly enough, i still find myself just jealous as hell of them for having a large family. Wow, this is the first time i have really been able to get this out and i really don't care if someone says this is childish to feel or that i sound like i need therapy (which ive tried, trust me, but it's finding the right psychologist thats hard), or that i really have so much pent up. yes, i really do, im 24 and this still gets to me, but as my dad is dying on his hospital bed and i don't even know how long he has because he's 76 and ive had to deal with the thought of losing him all my life, i do think i have many a reason to feel unsure and sometimes very empty. i started writing this blog because i woke up in some dream balling my eyes out and in order to get things out, i had to start just writing down all my feelings somewhere, even here. i feel so selfish if i put my feelings onto someone else because i don't want to sound like my problems are worse than theirs, and i feel i do that sometimes, but maybe i just struggle to much with caring too much about what im doing to others not to be selfish that i have become selfless in some ways, not the good kind. My boyfriend is simply great right now becuase he is so much there for me, but i am afraid i won't know how to be there for him and that scares me too. I see i really need to get over being scared so much. So, whats the verdict on this only child?

6:08 AM

 

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